Lazy Afternoon in Boise? Do the Paddle Boats

What a fun diversion from our rigorous schedule. We had just over an hour to kill so we did something none of us had in decades. We paddle-boated around the pond.

Just behind the Boise zoo in the Julia Davis Park in downtown Boise is a quiet corner where you can soak in some sun, have some fun and check out the wildlife too. Continue reading Lazy Afternoon in Boise? Do the Paddle Boats

Nine Foods to Eat to Prevent a Hangover

You know how it is when you’ve had too much to drink. You want anything you can find to counteract the poison, so you do anything you can to feel better. Or do you?

But there are actual things you can eat to stop the drunkage from getting too serious… Continue reading Nine Foods to Eat to Prevent a Hangover

In-Car DVD Players Shorten Road Trips by Miles

Prior to our most recent trip, our third Montana tour, we looked in to a number of different in-car entertainment systems to keep our tiny overlords in the backseat happy. Some options were so cheap we knew they’d never work, and others so expensive we knew we couldn’t afford them, but we settled on headrest DVD players, and at the risk of letting my nefarious neighbors know how great they are, I have to tell you, they really saved our bacon. Continue reading In-Car DVD Players Shorten Road Trips by Miles

Bay Discovery Museum Just Huge Playground/Classroom

Just across the bay from San Francisco lies a thousand acres of what was once a military installation, but now there’s so much more over there, things that are more critical to the everyday survival of people like me and everyone I know. Yes, I am of course talking about the Bay Area Discovery Museum, which is less of a museum and more of a ridiculously fancy playground that somehow manages to teach kids a bunch of things while we think we’re just playing. Continue reading Bay Discovery Museum Just Huge Playground/Classroom

Jungle Fun Adventure Boasts Fun, Adventure, Jungle

It was the end of an already long and dragging day when we peeled off from our already tiring and tiresome series of reviews in the San Jose adjacent area. We’d seen more things than I’m already capable of remembering and we were a smidge starved to boot. For some reason my handlers took us to The Jungle Fun and, despite my un-ignorable exhaustion, my batteries were quickly recharged. Continue reading Jungle Fun Adventure Boasts Fun, Adventure, Jungle

Example of a Lackluster, waste-of-Time Roadside Attraction

I’ve seen cool places from the Pearl of the Orient to the armpit of the US and one thing I’ve found all over is greedy locals ruining the experience for the uninformed passers-through.

Let’s take something from a recent article, the bit about Hobbiton USA in the Redwood forest. They wanted thirteen bucks for two kids and two adults. We sprung the press pass and got them down to $8 but they weren’t impressed. Schucks, they don’t even have email. Continue reading Example of a Lackluster, waste-of-Time Roadside Attraction

Golden Gate Park Is Tons of Fun, Even Outside the Bridge Area

In San Francisco, we hit up the local park and took in as many of the visible sights available as humanly possible, but I’ve got a beef on my plate, a thorn in my side, a bone to pick and a chip on my shoulder I need to divest. I expected a golden gate, both for prettiness and truth in advertising, but I was let down. Smack it up, flip it, paint it with latex if you like, but this thing is made out of steel. Continue reading Golden Gate Park Is Tons of Fun, Even Outside the Bridge Area

Let’s Draft Vets Over 60

About the Author – Bob van der Valk lives in Terry, Montana and is a US Army veteran. He was drafted into the U.S. Army in 1964 and was honorably discharged in 1966.

We need a new direction for any war by allowing a draft of our nation’s over 60 veterans. We will use the acronym “OOF” (Official Old Farts) and wear special berets to better cover our bald spots.

I am over 60 and the U.S. Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. We have been sending 18-year olds off to fight instead of taking us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 55.

For starters, researchers found 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. We old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day and some twice a year. That leaves us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy and just leave us alone while we are in a fighting and argumentative mood.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some extreme jihadist, who desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 am anyway. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell we might as well get our guns and fight for our country. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical terrorist son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number could be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at all day and used to eating soft food like SOS. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I haven’t been in combat but never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side in my career in the Army, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic and advanced infantry training.

While we’re at it, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowardly terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

And how about recruiting women over 50 in the change of life? You think men have attitudes??

If nothing else, let’s put them out on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!

To join this worthwhile cause, please sign up in the comments section under this article at:

www.californiawithkids.com

Include your age, experience and rank while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces and any comments you may wish to make about this movement.

A veteran – whether active duty, retired, or national guard or reserve – is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to: “The United States of America,” for an amount of “Up to and including my life”.

The above article includes part of one which was originally posted by Tom O’Halloran on Twitter. Tom’s Twitter address is: TPO_Hisself

You Can’t Park Your Frog Here

Hey, listen, I like your frog-mobile, I really do, but rules are rules and even though I don’t know what they are I’m pretty sure I can point and mutter this quietly: You can’t park your frog here.

Yes, we’re all very impressed that your Frogasuarus Rex made it through mud, sea, sand, and stretches of highway to get here. I’m sure both you and your amphibious friend are plenty tired after your 3-day Arcata to Ferndale pilgrimage. And I know you think that entitles you to all kinds of legal exemptions, but no matter all that, you still have to obey the law. Continue reading You Can’t Park Your Frog Here

Journalist Insists “Seriously, Almost Done with San Fran”

I know it feels like we’ve been in San Fran for like a thousand years or so, but it really wasn’t that long. It’s more about the fact that we really had a blast and a half and we wanted to share as much as we could with all you good people.

And it’s because we love you so much that we’ve removed almost ten of the articles about San Francisco we intended to run, instead opting to offer them as part of our forthcoming travel book, “Perplexed in San Francisco, Seeing The City with Kids”. No matter, you’ve suffered through enough of these mediocre pieces and I’m happy to tell you they’re just about done. Continue reading Journalist Insists “Seriously, Almost Done with San Fran”