As any fool (who has been reading our Perplexing Times as of late) can tell you, we’re out on our latest vacation, and this time our “pop in” is to San Francisco. This is no surprise to anyone but me, but what is surprising has been my in-outing cravings for Rice-a Roni. It’s weird, really, I don’t even like rice.
The hills, the valleys, the trolley cars and the fog all add up to a sum of travel frustration, but what’s come to me too in sum of these visits has been something more peculiar. I know I’m not pregnant (because I’ve been peeing on sticks for weeks) and I doubt about as highly that I’m going through an extraordinary growth period, so why am I craving Rice-a-Roni?
It’s a strange thing all around, really. I already said I don’t like rice, but I’ll add to it that I’m no fan of boxed dinner foods. Frozen dinners are okay, but the boxed ones do painfully little for me. I don’t know what it’s all about, but with the off-season San Francisco Giants, Dharma, and/or Greg in mind, I just look at my surroundings and crave a glut of A-Roni.
Have I gone slightly more mad than usual? Have I lost what precious little of my mind I once had endeavored to have? Is there something from the WB hit show Charmed that makes me love San Fran as much as the principal characters fear it for the rampant overrunning of evil spirits, ghouls, demons and exceptionally gorgeous nymphs?
By the way, in the past paragraph, my Daddy-O added in the “exceptionally gorgeous nymph” business without my approval, and Miss Mama-Lady disapproved as much too. I don’t think those unreasonably old women are magnificent, I just think they’re old. Come on, they have to be at least in their 20’s, so yuck, double-yuck and super-yuck all to boot.
But I’m on the streets, I’m looking at the locals, I’ve seen all the attractions, and I’m hungry as a Hungry, Hungry Hippo, and I’m craving Rice-a-Roni and I have no idea why.
If you go to San Francisco, be sure to wear flowers in your hair, but more than that, go on a less-than-empty stomach. If you don’t, you just can’t know what you’ll be craving, but something inside me (specifically a scrap of Rice-a-Roni) tells me it will be an over-priced box of rice dinner with a modest wisp of seasoning, despite your own best interests.
See San Fran, if you’re able, but beware the cravings of Rice-a-Roni. It’s a fair product, the quintessential San Francisco treat, but nothing to be trifled with.
Above – I’m smiling, but that doesn’t mean I’m laughing with you. In fact, I don’t even get the joke. Do they still run those commercials or is my ghost writer artificially dating me by proxy?
EDITORIAL NOTE: We sent this article to the good folks at Rice-a-Roni for a review and fact-check and suggested that if they liked it, they could send us some new flavors for additional mention or review. Such strangely short-sighted people I’ve never met in my whole, admittedly short life. They took two weeks to write back, and said that they appreciated our patronage of Quaker Oats and Pepsi, but that “due to [their] present commitments and limited resources, [they found] it necessary to decline [our] proposal.” What? All we said was we’d review a new flavor if they had one, but hang on a second, we’ve been eating the Roni’s of Rice our whole life, they can’t spare $1 to send us a promotional box? Wow man, I think we my hankering for the Roni just waned out the rest of the way.
Seriously, don’t eat Rice-a-Roni, those guys are a bunch of jerks.