Oh man, I know I said my veal was burning already, but it’s even worse than I thought. I made a break for it today, and when I say “it”, I mean freedom in the truest, most Braveheart sense of the phrase, but it was so much less and worse than I bargained for. I’m not sure I’ll even be able to explain it properly in a single article… Good thing this is our third such piece on the matter.
I’m a non-conformist for sure, and if you don’t believe me I beg you look no further than my tippy cup, temper tantrums and personal decision to wear a diaper. Hey, I know I’m already three and stuff, but that’s not the point. It ain’t easy being a non-conformist; nobody will tell you it is, I’m just taking it as seriously as possible.
So when I found out that my parental unit had let loose of my otherwise restricting leash, I made good on my commitment to seek out freedom, and I literally headed for the hills, but my foray was as short-lived as I am short-statured.
Man, I didn’t realize heading for the hills literally meant I had to climb up a steep old hill. What’s this nonsense all about?
It’s no wonder that the figure of speech “head for the hills” means to go to an undesirable, un-populous place where few people dwell and for good reason. It’s craziness, it requires you to climb a stupid hill!
That’s all I’ve got for today. Seriously, I’m pooped. I must have ascended a thousand feet of elevation in the course of my day, today, and it’s all I’ve got in me.
San Francisco’s cable cars are great for their defiance of gravity, but the civil transport authority needs to implement an elevator/escalator system instead. There’s a reason Seattle did their Denny Regrade a hundred years ago, and it’s because the city had plainly too many hills, and as pretty as they are, nobody likes to walk, drive or even Seqway Scooter them. Too much work on a daily basis, take my odd minutes of attempting it as your tribute to it.
If you think running up these hills is tough, try to get your bearings when you turn back around to jog back down. It’s dangerous because you quickly build up speeds that legs often can’t compete with. I don’t know what strange force it is that makes my downhill speed greater than my uphill speed, but I’ll assign that one to a staff writer soon enough, because I’m puzzled and confused, nay, perplexed.