Kinetic Sculpture Race Draws Thousands to the Waterfront

As I’ve come to understand it the US Navy has been working for the past year in total secrecy to develop an aquatic trojan horse program to infiltrate foreign coasts with the greatest of sneakiness. Now, due to unforeseeable drawbacks and cutbacks it has sadly been abandoned. Continue reading Kinetic Sculpture Race Draws Thousands to the Waterfront

Example of a Lackluster, waste-of-Time Roadside Attraction

I’ve seen cool places from the Pearl of the Orient to the armpit of the US and one thing I’ve found all over is greedy locals ruining the experience for the uninformed passers-through.

Let’s take something from a recent article, the bit about Hobbiton USA in the Redwood forest. They wanted thirteen bucks for two kids and two adults. We sprung the press pass and got them down to $8 but they weren’t impressed. Schucks, they don’t even have email. Continue reading Example of a Lackluster, waste-of-Time Roadside Attraction

You Can’t Park Your Frog Here

Hey, listen, I like your frog-mobile, I really do, but rules are rules and even though I don’t know what they are I’m pretty sure I can point and mutter this quietly: You can’t park your frog here.

Yes, we’re all very impressed that your Frogasuarus Rex made it through mud, sea, sand, and stretches of highway to get here. I’m sure both you and your amphibious friend are plenty tired after your 3-day Arcata to Ferndale pilgrimage. And I know you think that entitles you to all kinds of legal exemptions, but no matter all that, you still have to obey the law. Continue reading You Can’t Park Your Frog Here

Kid a Big Beach says “I’m a Son of a Beach”

When I awoke this morning in the midst of my vacation, we were stopping to stretch out our legs. I found sandy shores with thundering waves and oh mama had I ever come home.

I’ve heard of sons of beaches before but never knew the meaning until now. The surfers, joggers, beachcombers and dog walkers are all family here, they’re all sons of beaches. Now that I’ve met this great mother I understand why it’s so reknowned. It’s great fun and spans a vast area of the globe, appearing to be literally hundreds of yards long. Continue reading Kid a Big Beach says “I’m a Son of a Beach”

Kinetic Sculpture Has No Motor, Still Runs Great

Okay this is wierd. I’m no mechanic or anything but when I heard that this Subaru couldn’t do more than about 10 mph I had to have a look under the hood. What I found was alarming, the darn thing had only bicycle pedals chained into the tranny and no motor. Continue reading Kinetic Sculpture Has No Motor, Still Runs Great

Sunny Alderpoint, California – Population: Cow

My whirlwind tour has quietly ground to the most placid of a pause here in sunny, scorching Alderpoint, California. The hilltop ranching community boasts fewer inhabitants than even attended my dance recital and most of them are Jersey cows.

On my travels I expect to be mobbed by hordes of Brendan-hungry oogling fans, but out here all I’ve come across is doughy deer, cows and the ever-haunting howl of crickets. Am I wrong or is the song of the cricket the universal sound effect for a pregnant pause? (Insert sound of crickets here while I’m waiting for you to get it and laugh.) Continue reading Sunny Alderpoint, California – Population: Cow

Redwood Trees Can’t See the Forest for the Tourists

As I stand here gazing at the behemoth conifer which allegedly pre-dates our good Lord Christ, I gain perspective. Sadly, the trees learn nothing from our encounter as if they can’t see the forest for the me(s).

I know in the grand scheme of things that I’m still a pretty new critter to scurry the surface of our Mother Earth, but the ability to embrace change and think in new ways is imperative, even if the living neighbor in question lacks a brain. Maybe I’m being kingdom-centric, but those brainless plants just aren’t poised for the future. Continue reading Redwood Trees Can’t See the Forest for the Tourists

Redwood Keebler Cousin Visit Goes Elfin’ Great

No road trip would be complete without the obligatory visits to family along our path, and as fate would have it my wee baking cousins were right along the way.

These famous kinfolk of mine are handsome, Irish and compact like me, but unlike myself these pointy-eared eccentrics live in hollowed out trees as pictured here. In order to protect secret family recipes no cameras are allowed inside, but if you want a taste of what makes these cookies so special, just pick yourself up a good pound of E.L.Fudge and go crazy. No one’s going to think less of you, go on, get to gorging. Continue reading Redwood Keebler Cousin Visit Goes Elfin’ Great

Historic Mansions Rare on the California Coast, but Worth It

For those of you who don’t regularly read my tales of woe and woah, I’ll just tell you that I still live at home. Now that I’ve looked around at house prices I remember why, prices are crazy!

I’ve found a bunch of places I’d like to live. Theme parks, playgrounds and now I add to the list historical mansions. With unemployment up and the deficit climbing, one axiom I’ve found infallible is that cool housing is priced way out of reach. Continue reading Historic Mansions Rare on the California Coast, but Worth It