About the Author – Bob van der Valk lives in Terry, Montana and is a US Army veteran. He was drafted into the U.S. Army in 1964 and was honorably discharged in 1966.
We need a new direction for any war by allowing a draft of our nation’s over 60 veterans. We will use the acronym “OOF” (Official Old Farts) and wear special berets to better cover our bald spots.
I am over 60 and the U.S. Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. We have been sending 18-year olds off to fight instead of taking us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 55.
For starters, researchers found 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. We old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day and some twice a year. That leaves us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy and just leave us alone while we are in a fighting and argumentative mood.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some extreme jihadist, who desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 am anyway. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell we might as well get our guns and fight for our country. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical terrorist son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number could be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at all day and used to eating soft food like SOS. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I haven’t been in combat but never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side in my career in the Army, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic and advanced infantry training.
While we’re at it, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowardly terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
And how about recruiting women over 50 in the change of life? You think men have attitudes??
If nothing else, let’s put them out on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!
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A veteran – whether active duty, retired, or national guard or reserve – is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to: “The United States of America,” for an amount of “Up to and including my life”.
The above article includes part of one which was originally posted by Tom O’Halloran on Twitter. Tom’s Twitter address is: TPO_Hisself